


Always Hate Me

by CoffeeAndArrows



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Blink and you miss it reference to past rape/non-con, Brainwashing, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone just needs some love okay, Gen, Hydra, Missing Scene, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-07 00:53:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6778162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAndArrows/pseuds/CoffeeAndArrows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He waited in silence, counting the heartbeats as they passed, until he heard her take a breath beside him, saying 'There's something I should tell you.'</p>
<p>'You and Steve... You fought, in Siberia - when you found out he already knew Hydra killed your parents.' She felt Tony stiffen next to her at the mention of his parents, and cursed herself. Too soon, Romanoff. She bit her lip, not wanting to continue, but Tony took a deep breath and nodded for her to go on.</p>
<p>' I...' She gripped the edge of her seat tightly, her knuckles turning white. 'I knew too.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Hate Me

**Author's Note:**

> I love Tony and Natasha's friendship, and all I could think of after I watched Civil War was that Natasha knew Hydra killed Tony's parents too. So I wrote the scene I wanted :)
> 
> Writen quite quickly and un-beta'd, so tell me if you spot any mistakes, and please let me know if you think I've missed any tags.
> 
> CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR

She watched from the doorway as Tony twirled the flip phone around with his fingers, the lines etched into his face clearly showing his grief and sorrow. She had come to talk to him, but now couldn't make up her mind - he didn't need her rubbing salt in his wounds, ripping out the stitches from his freshly sewn injuries.

But she couldn't let Steve take the fall for this alone.

 

Natasha cleared her throat, stepping into the room, and Tony twisted round to narrow his eyes in her direction. 'What d'you want?'

Stepping further into the room, she studied his face. He looked older than before, the last few weeks having taken a toll on him. Well, she smiled wryly, they'd taken a toll on them all - no one had come out of it unscathed.

She drew up a chair next to his, sitting down silently and trying to talk herself out of this. Tony didn't need any more on his plate, and what she was about to tell him could ruin their friendship forever.

No, they had to talk. She couldn't let Steve take the whole blame, and it was better he heard this from her.

Tony raised an eyebrow. 'Are you gonna talk, or should I? I'm sure I could find some recordings of my voice, if that's what you - '

Natasha closed her eyes. 'Tony. '

He stopped abruptly, turning to look at her, and upon seeing her expression he decided not to continue. Her face was serious, every micro-expression carefully controlled, and she gave off the air of someone trying their hardest to force the words they needed out of their mouth, without falling apart inside.

So he waited in silence, counting the heartbeats as they passed, until he heard her take a breath beside him, saying 'There's something I should tell you.'

He felt his eyebrows raise further up his forehead. _No shit, Sherlock_. Biting back his sarcastic response, he nodded, encouraging her to continue.

'You and Steve... You fought, in Siberia - when you found out he already knew Hydra killed your parents.' She felt Tony stiffen next to her at the mention of his parents, and cursed herself. Too soon, Romanoff. She bit her lip, not wanting to continue, but Tony took a deep breath and nodded for her to go on.

' I...' She gripped the edge of her seat tightly, her knuckles turning white. 'I knew too.'

Certain that he had heard her incorrectly, Tony flicked round to stare at her, confused. ' _What?_ '

Natasha gave a jerky nod, her gaze leaving his face as he cycled through emotions.  
Confused. Hurt. Betrayed. Angry.

Tony clenched his teeth together, unable to hide the sudden rage that radiated from his body. His eyes flashed. She had _known_? Not only that, but she had kept it from him, just as Steve had?

Natasha didn't comment on his anger, her eyes fixed on the floor. She carefully moved her hands from the edge of her seat, twisting them together in her lap.

When her words eventually came out, they were soft and apologetic 'We found out in DC. When Hydra were after us. From Zola.'

He stood up, his chair sliding across the floor, clenching his hands into angry fists. 'And you didn't think to _tell me right away?_ '

This time it was Natasha's turn to be angry, and she stood up opposite Tony as he tried to lean into her space. 'I was a bit busy getting _blown up_ ,' she spat out.

'Well, clearly you survived getting blown up, and then managed to tear SHIELD to shreds and blow their helicarriers out of the sky, _and_ leak centuries worth of classified information onto the web, and after that was finished, you didn't think 'hey, maybe I should call Tony and tell him his parents were killed by the evil Nazi cult we were fighting' ?'

Natasha glared at him for a moment before the fight seemed to leave her and she sagged back into her seat, her posture huddled and so unlike the Natasha he knew that it threw him off completely. She sighed, a slight tremor running through her body, and Tony could hear her sincerity as she softly replied 'yeah. I had personal things to sort out, and it... I was...'

She trailed off, lost, and Tony felt a brief stab of guilt in his stomach, knowing that his furious words had well and truly hit their mark. She was still dealing with the things she had done in DC, and blamed herself for a lot of the consequences -  he was just adding to the list of things she had done wrong. After leaking SHIELD's secrets to the world, she had fled, and Clint had refused to tell them anything except that he had found her, and that they were safe.

The things had happened in those months were never spoken of, and when Clint and Natasha finally reappeared, no one asked.

He knew she already felt guilty for not telling him about his parents, and as angry as he was about it, it wasn't worth losing another teammate over. Another friend. He would at least try to learn from his mistakes.

He opened his mouth to tell her this, but before he could she replied, as firmly as she could manage, 'I should have called. That's on me.'

'Nat...' Tony sat back down next to her, resting his arm against hers to offer a small shred of comfort. 'I shouldn't have said that.'

She nudged his arm gently, acknowledging his apology without having to say a word. They remained silent for a few moments before Natasha sidestepped the topic of DC to reiterate 'I can't let you blame just Steve for this. I knew too.'

'Yeah,' he replied bitterly, 'but somehow it's easier to forgive someone who isn't defending my parent's murderer.'

She studied his face for a moment before saying slowly 'I know you're angry with Barnes. And I get that. Hell, for all I know he was the one who killed my parents.'

Tony looked up, momentarily distracted from his anger. 'What's that supposed to mean?'

Natasha froze. 'Ah. There are some things... Other things, that I haven't told anyone. Things I should have told Steve way back in DC, but I didn't.' She sighed, looking him in the eyes, 'I should have told him before he even went looking for Barnes, but I couldn't; it was too painful, and I needed to ignore my past, or... I would fall apart. So please don't hate me for keeping more secrets from the team.'

'Nat, I didn't say you can't have secrets,' Tony interrupted. 'That's not what I meant at all. Fuck, you're a spy. You're made of secrets.'

'I didn't mean... I mean, some secrets should have been shared. Like this one,' Natasha responded. Tony nodded for her to continue, so she asked 'How much do you know about my past?'

'I read your file. When I hacked SHIELD in New York. It was...graphic. But then Fury told me he knew I had your files, but it didn't matter because your full file is only a paper copy due to half the content being deemed - and I quote - 'too appalling to be stored electronically'. '

She grimaced. 'Well, you know that I was taken by the Red Room when I was around 5, after my parents were murdered in a fire. I was raised in the Black Widow program, originally funded by the KGB.' She bit her lip. 'Barnes was one of my trainers. He did more than his fair share of...'teaching' me.'

Tony's looked confused for a few seconds, then his face took on an expression that was somewhere between horrified and murderous. 'You mean...'

'You know what I mean. I was trained to seduce and kill; use your imagination. Anyway, I know that one of the trainers brought me in, and killed my parents. It might well have been The Winter Soldier.'

Tony furrowed his eyebrows. 'Then why aren't you angry at him? If he did those things to you?'

She laughed, but there was no humor in it. 'I don't think he even knows -  I'm not even sure if he recognizes me. Brainwashing does that.' She gave a halfhearted shrug. 'Am I to blame for what they made me do? Is Clint to blame for the things he did under Loki's control?'

He stared at her, now uncharacteristicly quiet. She had only come to apologize for keeping the truth from him, and now they were having a conversation about who was to blame for his parent's deaths. It was a topic bursting with triggers - for both of them - but one that they nevertheless needed to have.

'Tony, I know that you don't share my view on this, and _I understand_. But I cannot, and will not blame Barnes for the deaths he caused, including those of your parents.'

'Did you know?' Tony asked after only a brief pause.

_Know what?_ Natasha wondered, but then it dawned on her - he wanted to know if she had already known it was Barnes who killed them. Everything had happened so quickly in that bunker in New Jersey that she hadn't had much time to process. But...

Well, she hadn't _known_. Carefully, the word dragging out in hesitation, she replied 'No.'

Tony tilted his head to the side, a slight clench in his jaw. He tried to force his anger down, but to no avail. 'Don't bullshit me, Romanoff.'

'I'm not lying. I didn't know.'

Tony let out a deep breath, '...But?'

She sighed, adjusting her position in the chair so she would be able to stop Tony if necessary. 'It doesn't take much to put two and two together. I can't say it didn't cross my mind.'

'For _Fuck's Sake Nat!_ He hissed, getting up to pace around the room. She could tell he was trying not to fight with her,and she appreciated the effort, but he looked ready to kill someone. He ran his hands through his hair several times before clenching them into fists and spinning round to bury them repeatedly in the wall.

Well, it was better than burying them in other people. Maybe he was learning.

Natasha gave a tight-lipped smile at the thought but her gaze quickly turned concerned, watching as her friend didn't stop after a few punches, but continued, leaving red marks as his knuckles collided with the wall, his choked mutters of 'He killed my mom' mixing into the room.

Without waiting, Natasha went to his side, softly saying 'Tony.' When he ignored her, she reached out a hand and rested it on his shoulder, and was surprised when instead of shrugging her off he shuddered, his bloody hands falling to his sides. She tightened her grip on his shoulder and led him back to their chairs, making him sit before she went to find the first aid kid from the other side of the room.

Sometimes she forgot that Tony had a heart. It sounded awful, but it was the truth, and she knows that he would say the same about her. 

But he had the biggest heart of all, and look where it had gotten him.The whole world seemed to think that his problem was that he didn't care - but in reality, it was that he cared too much.

Thankfully, it didn't look as if he'd broken anything, but he would have some huge bruises by tomorrow. Then again, this was Tony - somehow he had managed to take on two supersoldiers and come out alive. Natasha sighed. She knew this conversation was going round in circles, but the fact that Tony had taken his anger out on the wall instead of her showed that maybe they were getting somewhere.

'Tony,' she began, picking up from where she left off, 'please. You don't have to agree with me, just listen. I am truly sorry for my part in this mess. I understand where you are coming from - I agree with you on the accords, and I think that Steve shouldn't be running from the law. SHIELD was the only thing I knew and now that's gone, and all I have left is you guys. The Avengers need to stick together, but right now I don't know how to stop the Civil War we've started.

'Even so, I strongly disagree with your opinion on Barnes, and whilst you are entitled to your own views, I have been where he is, and... it took me _so long_ to reach a place where... where I don't blame myself for the things I didn't choose to do. Some days, I still struggle with that, but it's getting better. I'm not saying I'm not haunted by the faces of those I killed - I wish it was different, but there's nothing I can do to change that.

'When Clint was sent to kill me, I told him to do it. I didn't think I deserved to live. But I ended up working for SHIELD alongside him, using my skills to help people, trying to be someone new, and if there is one thing that Clint has drilled into me over the years it's that even if the Black Widow has killed hundreds of innocents, Natasha Romanoff hasn't. And so I know the Winter Soldier killed your parents. But it wasn't Bucky Barnes.'

Tony looked at the floor. His parents were dead, and he wasn't just going to let that go. But Natasha's words had struck a chord, and he was torn. How many times had Pepper and Rodey told him that he wasn't to blame for the deaths caused by his weapons? He blamed himself for the people he helped terrorists kill, so what about Barnes?

His crimes seemed tame when compared. He looked up, slowly asking 'So you want me to give him a second chance?'

Natasha nodded, and Tony bit his lip. He closed his eyes for a moment, having some sort of internal battle, but when he opened them they were clear. 'I'll.. '

His voice caught in his throat, and Natasha asked, almost pleading, 'Just try?'

Tony gave a hesitant nod. Focus on Hydra, not Barnes. Blame Hydra. Give Barnes the chance to change. 'I'll do my best.'

Natasha smiled, her reaction vividly contrasting the somber attitude of their conversation. She got up to leave, squeezing his shoulder in encouragement as she replied 'thank you.'

Tony watched as she walked away, but when she reached the doorway he called out 'Nat?'

She turned back around, worried. Had he changed his mind about Barnes? Was he still angry she hadn't told him Hydra killed his parents?

He saw initial confusion followed by sorrow flickering across her face, and the overdue apologetic words tumbled from his lips. 'It's okay.'

_I forgive you for not telling me._

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
